Only Adventurous Travelers Need Apply
If you’re looking to take a break from the problems of today’s world, why not leave everything behind and make some memories in one of our exclusive, Scandinavian getaways, fully illustrated in the brochure below. And remember, when you choose to stay in any of our destinations, you’ll be the only guest in each facility and you may freely roam wherever and whenever you please.
Firstly, consider this multi-story compound atop a colorful Swedish mountain crag. After you’ve arrived at the bottommost cottage on the precipice, you’ll want to drop off your luggage and freshen up. Once rested, if you’d like to explore the rest of the cottages, just bundle up, take a deep breath against the cold and hop up the few steps to the next cottage in the compound. Each cabin has its own vivid décor, many dealing with Swedish history. Enjoy the Vasa Deckhouse and the Silver Throne Room among others.
As usual, the most popular destination in the compound is the topmost cottage, known as the Golden Chalet. It’s here where a lone visitor will tend to spend most of his time, as the Chalet is exclusively staffed by local, fair-haired maidens who will happily prepare Swedish cuisine such as Punschrulle and H
ön
ökaka for your dining pleasure. And after filling your hand with a small mug of gl
ögg, these bright, young, Swedish women will engage you with sparkling conversation in their own, seductive, native language. There’s no need to answer…it’s always best if you quietly smile as you gently nod your head.
Next, if impregnable fortifications appeal to you, our brooding, towering, Norwegian castle will meet your every need. To cross the dark waters of the Caliginous River and enter the castle keep, you must first enter the flying buttress at its base, climb the 299 steps and cross the river via the timeworn stonework bridge. Once across, you can inspect the ancient keep from dungeon to dovecote. The vast halls were stripped of their furnishings and tapestries long ago, but there remains the unsettling romance of the dour, stone walls and the echoes of long-dead Vikings boasting of their plunder.
As you make your way up to the top of the highest tower and finally enter the sumptuous wooden apartment found there, you’ll be happy to find a warm, welcoming room that is peopled by attractive and attentive local maidens, all with champagne-colored hair. As they see you enter, they’ll offer a winsome smile and each will softly sigh your name, as they will be enlivened to know that you have at last found your way to them. As they busily prepare a light meal including kj
øttboller and krumkake, they will present you with a traditional tulip-shaped glass of akevitt. Again, smiles all around without a word of understanding, but in the end, does it really matter?
Lastly, our smallest retreat is located on the disputed Tartupaluk Island, located in the Nares Strait, between Canada and Greenland in the Arctic Ocean. The ownership dispute is between Denmark, who lightly governs Greenland as an autonomous dependent territory, and Canada. Both governments claim the small isle in the name of fishing and mineral rights.
International contretemps aside, the small cottage on offer is built atop the remains of the only tree to ever grow on the island, and as such, it makes for a unique lodging. Other than the broad, spreading stump and the rapidly deteriorating cabin, there is nothing else there. No electricity, no running water, no fair-haired maidens. However, the bleak setting regularly draws a certain kind of adventurer to it, and surprisingly, there is a long waiting list to occupy the cottage. Strangely, this isolated, elevated hut is often the preferred retreat of a peculiar type of hobbyist, people known as paper modelers. It seems they enjoy the chance to venture to the ends of the earth only to spend their time cutting out colorful bits of paper and sticking them together to construct models of anything they desire. Ships, planes, even models of fanciful Scandinavian structures seem to hold an interest for these dedicated devotees.
Parties interested in these and other unique destinations may submit their Black Card for approval.