Pun-ditry

[rickstef]

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be inSeine ..

20. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

21. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

22. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

23. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

[Loui]

LOL... #23.... and all

Thanks. I need a good laugh.

[sgoti]

1) Then there was the optician who fell into his equipment and made a spectacle of himself.

2) Arial didn't take the part in the play because she didn't want to be typecast.

3) The man who was in court for indecent exposure lost his suit.

4) Four carpenters formed a brass ensemble. The called themselves the tuba-four.

5) The difference between a joke and a release of intestinal gas? One is a shift of wit...

6) Aunt Ellen was in quite a pickle over preserving her cucumbers.

7) The electrician wanted a change, so he made a switch.

8) When driving his sheep on the highway, the shepherd was ticketed for making an illegal ewe turn.

9) Pinocchio didn't have much social success because of his wooden personality.

10) If plants could talk, would they make obscene fern calls?

[nighthawk78]

Need to show these to a friend who needs to learn how to make punny puns
NH78

[Cybergrinder]

Ah! Pun-ishment indeed! If this were a boxing match some would be pun-ching above their weight

[sgoti]

Originally Posted by Cybergrinder

Ah! Pun-ishment indeed! If this were a boxing match some would be pun-ching above their weight

The gloves are off...

[Yale]

In Duluth the view is always Superior.

[sgoti]

It's Erie how easy this is...

[murphyaa]

I'm Washington my hands of this whole issue...

[Cybergrinder]

No man is an Ireland