Aviation Trivia

[Sakrison]

"At the time [1909] the chief engineer was almost always the chief test pilot as well. That had the fortunate result of eliminating poor engineering early in aviation."
--Igor Sikorsky


"I confess that in 1901, I said to my brother Orvill that man would not fly for fifty years. . . . Ever since, I have distrusted myself and avoided all predictions."
--Wilbur Wright, in a speech to the French Aero Club, 1908


Aviation Proverb:
It is said that two wrongs don't make a right,
but two wrights do make an airplane.


"Most of us [the test pilots] agreed the [Chance-Vought F7U] Cutlass could be made into a pretty good flying machine with a few modifications, like adding a conventional tail, tripling the thrust, cutting the nosewheel strut in half, completely redoing the flight control system, and getting someone else to fly it."
--John Moore, The Wrong Stuff: Flying on the Edge of Disaster

[Thumb Dog]

"Wiley, I think your patch is over the wrong eye..."

Will Rogers

[Don Boose]

The second one may be the origin of a line I used to hear from aviators in the mid-1950s: "I told Orville that thing would never get off the ground."

Don

[nebeltex]

This is the comedy stand, and aviation trivia....

Qantas Joke sent in by Nigel Morris

Apparently, after every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet', which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

Pilots: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilots: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilots: Something loose in cockpit.
Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilots: Dead bugs on windshield.
Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilots: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilots: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineers: Evidence removed.

Pilots: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineers: That's what they're for.

Pilots: Suspected crack in windshield.
Engineers: Suspect you're right.

Pilots: Number 3 engine missing.
Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilots: Aircraft handles funny.
Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilots: Target radar hums
Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilots: Mouse in cockpit. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Engineers: Cat installed.

[Don Boose]

I remember hearing all of those in the past, Cliff, and was very glad to hear them again.

In the early 1980s, I served on the Joint Staff in the Pentagon (Washington, DC, USA). A couple of my colleagues were pilots, one of whom was a U.S. Air Force F-16 pilot, who had spent a tour as an exchange officer with the U.S. Navy, flying off an aircraft carrier. He said that, after two years of carrier landings, the first time he landed an F-16 at Clark Air Force Base in the Philippines he thought he had really greased it in, but the tower called him and told him that he had to report a hard landing.

I turned to another colleague standing around the coffee pot - a Navy A-6 pilot - and asked, "What do you call a hard landing in the Navy?"

He replied, "When you have to swim back to the boat."

Don

[elliott]

ROFL!! Thanks Don. That was great!

[missileer]

Back in early 1960s, I pulled a lot of classified courier duty and always flew with the same crew on a KC-97. The Crew Commander always gave the safety briefing to any passengers on board. He would always end the briefing with the statement: "Now remember, the Aircraft Commander is always the last to leave the aircraft in an emergency. So, when I pass you, you are the Aircraft Commander."

[Karl]

I remember seeing an early test flight report in the UK with this summary.

"This aircraft is extremely difficult to get into, it should be made impossible."

[herky]

''air lingus flight 782 please state your height and position.this is dublin tower''
''dublin tower this is air lingus flight 782.im 5ft 10inches tall and sitting in front left hand seat''

[Wulf111]

here is one of my favorite stories

From AW (Mar 2010):
I met an SR-71 pilot a few years ago. (SR-71 was the USAAF advanced 'stealth' reconnaissance aircraft known as the Blackbird). He told me this story from his first flight with a new co-pilot: An SR-71 and crew were flying over Southern California when a bug smasher came on the airwaves in a dorky voice: Cessna 152: Ground Control, What's my airspeed? Ground Control: 100 at FL 100. A few moments later a cocky voice came on: Mooney M20: Ground Control, What's MY airspeed? Ground Control: 240 at FL 240. By this time the SR pilot was seething, but since communications were the duty of his new co-pilot, he remained silent. A few moments of radio silence passed, and in the calmest voice imaginable the co-pilot keyed in: SR-71: Ground Control, What's our airspeed? Ground Control: 1875 at FL 800. There were no more speed checks called in that afternoon, and the pilot knew that he had a cool partner in the back seat.