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  #101  
Old 06-06-2019, 12:28 PM
JohnGay JohnGay is offline
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What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
About half way.
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  #102  
Old 06-18-2019, 05:05 AM
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SCEtoAUX SCEtoAUX is offline
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Did you know that you can tell the gender of an ant by putting them in water?
If it sinks, girl ant, if it floats, bouyant.
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AC020303 EAMUS CATULI! Audere est Facere 19**-20** R.I.P. it up, Tear it up, Have a Ball
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  #103  
Old 06-18-2019, 06:08 AM
JohnGay JohnGay is offline
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A woman pregnant with twins was in a terrible car accident that left her in a coma until after she gave birth.
When she woke, doctors told her she had a healthy girl and boy. But since she wasn't awake to name them, they asked her brother to name them instead.
She was mortified, because she knew her brother wasn't very sharp and probably gave them horrible names.
They told her that he named her daughter Denise.
She thought, that's not so bad. Then she asked what he named her son?
That's when they told her he named him Denephew.
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  #104  
Old 06-18-2019, 10:58 AM
Revell-Fan Revell-Fan is offline
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Three old ladies are having a chat.

The first one says: "I'm 90 years old and I still have all my teeth. I can eat anything I want."
The second says: "That's nothing. I'm 100 years old and can still walk unassisted. I never give up."
The third lady says: "That's nothing at all. I'm 104 and I'm still a virgin. Keeping my fingers crossed!"
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  #105  
Old 06-28-2019, 10:46 AM
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Rapidtox Rapidtox is offline
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A mother sent her youngest son to buy matches,
when the return asked: "the matches work?",
The boy answered: "yes mom, they all lit"
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  #106  
Old 09-02-2019, 10:13 AM
sprogs sprogs is offline
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Quote
Apparently Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression.

It's a sad state of affairs.
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  #107  
Old 09-02-2019, 11:00 AM
missileer missileer is offline
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Two scientists were in the most inhospitable part of the Australian outback studying what little life existed there and they made a fantastic discovery. They found a fully grown marsupial only 1/2 inch tall. They took it back to their camp on the upper edge of a huge canyon for further study. Obviously, they did not have enough information the classify the animal, so they temporarily called it the Rarey (it was, afterall a rare find).
They had no idea what the animal ate, so they laid out about a dozen different food items from the rations that they had brought with them. The little marsupial ate them all! It the morning, they found that the animal was not 1 inch tall. They once again laid out a variaty of foodstuffs and once again, it ate everything. The next morning, they found that it had doubled it's size and was now 2 inches tall. This went on, until the animal was 64 inches tall and had broken into their food locker and eaten and drank almost all their supplies. They had no why of knowing just how large this thing would grow, and they did not want to leave a potential Godzilla loose in Australia, so they decided to end it's life before it grew any more. They lured it to the edge of the canyon, using the remaining food supplies and just as they were pushing him over the edge, they discovered the animal had a voice! It looked over the edge of the of the cliff and then looked back at them with sad eyes and said, "It's a long long way to tip-a-rarey."
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  #108  
Old 09-02-2019, 02:24 PM
Bob Penikas Bob Penikas is offline
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Joke

Two little boys are walking to school; third grade.

Johnny: “Guess what I found last night?”

Sammy: “What’d you find?”

Johnny: “ I found a pro-phy-lac-tic on the veranda! ”

Moment of silence...

Sammy: “What’s a veranda?”
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  #109  
Old 09-10-2019, 10:23 AM
sprogs sprogs is offline
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I thought I could make my racing snail faster if I took it's shell off.
It just made it more sluggish.
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  #110  
Old 09-10-2019, 11:39 AM
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Kevin WS Kevin WS is offline
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Sprogs 10/10 for that.

And Doug 10/10 for ant sexing.
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The SD40 is 53 now!
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