#51
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A very, very wealthy man was discussing with his wife how he wanted his final affairs settled. He said "I want all of my wealth to be buried with me." After some animated discussion she finally agreed.
The very, very, very wealthy man died not too long after. After the funeral the very, very, very, very wealthy man's wife and his sister were sitting in the kitchen talking. "Did you really bury all his wealth with him?" asked the sister. "Yes, I did." replied the wife. She paused for a few seconds and then said "I wrote him a check."
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This is a great hobby for the retiree - interesting, time-consuming, rewarding - and about as inexpensive a hobby as you can find. Shamelessly stolen from a post by rockpaperscissor |
#52
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I walk into shipping office of company X to drop something off and give paperwork to lady behind the counter
-Is it still raining? asks lady -yup,isn't it wonderful? with cheer says me... Lady gives me "death stare" and some guy 3 desks over starts laughing uncontrollably.It's been raining since 6am,it's dark and gloomy. |
#53
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A little Phonetic License
The Sounds of Science.
The Origin of Speeches. I shot the SERIF. Oral Robbers. Uttered Chaos. Punsy Scheme. GAG reflexes. To hear a mocking verb. Ad-Libs Shrugged. Idiom Savant. So quiet you can hear a pun flop. Puns and Needles Hold the LMAO. No Punning Aloud. Last edited by ricomon35; 11-02-2018 at 07:23 AM. |
#54
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“Where do cantaloupes go in the summertime?"
"Johnny Cougar’s Melon Camp.” |
#55
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“Led Zeppelin’s guitarist was interrogated last week....
but detectives weren’t able to turn the Page” |
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#56
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I'm sure there's a Plant joke in there somewhere too.....
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''Oh, stop whining! Can't you just print off another one?''- my wife ca 2018 |
#57
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BAGPIPES
Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless military man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down, and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "That was beeyooteeful! I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years." Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing. |
#58
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Lololololololol!!!!!!!!!!
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#59
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I built this model once before, but somehow misplaced it, which is not surprising considering that it is less than 2 inches long. It's a 1:100 Murcielago, or, in other words . . .
An itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, yellow paper Lamborghini |
#60
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No more calls, please! We have a winner!
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"Methinks you thinks too much think." -- airdave |
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