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Old 08-02-2018, 12:28 PM
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Robotaleem Robotaleem is offline
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Bad Jokes, Folks

I was pumping gas at the station and I noticed a small puppy licking gasoline from a puddle off the ground. All of a sudden, the poor little thing started running around in circles. It kept running and running until it simply just dropped. My friend said, "Oh my god, is it dead?" I said, "no, it just ran out of gas."
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  #2  
Old 08-02-2018, 12:31 PM
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Robotaleem Robotaleem is offline
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I'd really like to grow seedless watermelons - I just can't find the seeds!
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Old 08-02-2018, 12:40 PM
elliott elliott is offline
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You can't say we weren't warned before we looked.
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This is a great hobby for the retiree - interesting, time-consuming, rewarding - and about as inexpensive a hobby as you can find.
Shamelessly stolen from a post by rockpaperscissor
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  #4  
Old 08-02-2018, 12:47 PM
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Robotaleem Robotaleem is offline
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Background behind this joke: In 2010, the Cuyahoga County Recorder’s Office in Ohio changed their policy about copying records. Digital files would no longer be available, and the public would have to make hard copies of documents for $2 per page. This would prove to be prohibitively expensive for Data Trace Information Services and Property Insight, companies that collect hundreds of pages of this public information each week. They sued the Recorder’s Office for access to digital versions of the documents on a CD. In the middle of the case, a lawyer representing them questioned the IT administrator of the Recorder’s Office, which led to a 10-page argument over the semantics of photocopiers. The case never went to trial. After two years, many depositions and 600 pages of paperwork, the Ohio Supreme Court decided that the Recorder’s Office should make a CD with the documents available to the public. The price? One dollar. You can find an acting of this on YouTube as well. Buckle in and enjoy!

7 Q During your tenure in the computer department at
8 the Recorder's office, has the Recorder's office had
9 photocopying machines?
10 MR. CAVANAGH: Objection.
11 Q Any photocopying machine?
12 A When you say "photocopying machine," what do you
13 mean?
14 Q Let me be -- let me make sure i understand your
15 question. You don't have an understanding of what a
16 photocopying machine is?
17 A No. I want to make sure that I answer your
18 question correctly.
19 MR. CAVANAGH: Dave, I'll
20 object to the tone of the question.
21 You make it sound like it's
22 unbelievable to you that he wouldn't
23 know what the definition of a
24 photocopy machine is.
25 MR. NIARPURGER: I didn't ask
34
1 him to define it. I asked him if he
2 had any.
3 A When you say "photocopying machine," what do you
4 mean?
5 Q Let me be clear. The term "photocopying
6 machine" is so ambiguous that you can't picture in
7 your mind what a photocopying machine is in an office
8 setting?
9 A I just want to make sure I answer your question
10 correctly.
11 Q Well, we'll find out. If you can say yes or no,
12 I can do follow-ups, but it seems -- if you really
13 don't know in an office setting what a photocopying
14 machine is, I'd like the Ohio Supreme Court to hear
15 you say so.
16 A I just want to make sure I answer your question
17 correctly.
18 MR. CAVANAGH: There's
19 different types of photocopiers,
20 Dave.
21 MR. MARBURGER: You're
22 speaking instead of -- you're not
23 under oath. This guy is.
24 MR. CAVANAGH: I understand
25 that, but I understand what his
35
i objection is. You want him to
2 answer the question, but I don't
3 think it's fair.
4 MR. MP,RBURGER: It's not
5 fair?
6 MR. CAVANAGH: It's not a
7 fair question. A photocopy machine
8 can be a machine that uses
9 photostatic technology, that uses
10 xerographic technology, that uses
11 scanning technology.
12 BY MR. MARBURGER:
13 Q I don't care what kind of technology it uses.
14 Has your office -- we don't have technocrats on the
15 Ohio Supreme Court. We've got people like me,
16 general guys --
17 MR. CAVANAGH: Objection.
18 Q -- or gals. I'm not really very interested in
19 what the technology element of it is. I want to
20 know --
21 MR. CAVANAGH: That's what's
22 at issue in the case, Dave.
23 MR. MARBURGER: Not in my
24 judgement.
25 BY MR. MARBURGER :
36
1 Q Do you have photocopying machines at the
2 Recorder's office? If you don't know what that means
3 in an office setting, please tell the Court you don't
4 know what it means in an office setting to have a
5 photocopying machine.
6 A I would like to answer your question to the best
7 of my ability.
8 Q I'm asking you to answer that.
9 A So if you could explain to me what you mean
10 by --
11 Q I'm not going to do that because I want you -- I
12 want to establish on the record that you really don't
13 know what it is. I want to establish that.
14 Now, do you know what it is or do you not know
15 what it is? Do you understand what that term means
16 in common parlance or not?
17 A Common parlance?
18 Q Common language.
19 A I'm sorry. I didn't know what that meant.
20 I understand that there are photocopying
21 machines, and there are different types of them just
22 like --
23 Q Are there any in the Recorder's office?
24 A -- there are different cars. Some of them run
25 under gas power, some of them under electric power,
37
1 and I'm asking if you could help me out by explaining
2 what you mean by "photocopying machines" --
3 Q That's a great point.
4 A -- instead of trying to make me feel stupid.
5 Q If you feel stupid, it's not because I'm making
6 you feel that way.
7 MR. CAVANAGH: Objection.
8 A I have self-confidence and I have no problem.
9 Q I don't think you're stupid.
10 A I think -- I don't have any problem answering
11 the question.
12 Q I think you're playing games with me.
13 MR. CAVANAGH: Dave, the word
14 "photocopying" is at issue in this
15 case, and you're asking him whether
16 something is or isn't a photocopy
17
18
19
machine, which is a legal
conclusion --
MR. MARBURGER: This isn't a
20 patent case. There's no statute
21 that defines -- where I'm asking him
22 to define technology for me. I'm
23
24
25
asking -- I want to find out from a
layperson's perspective, not an
engineer's perspective, not a
38
1 technician's perspective, but
2 from -- I have an idea.
3 BY MR. MARBURGER:
4 Q How about this: Have you ever heard the term
5 "photocopier" or "photocopy" used in the Recorder's
6 office by anybody?
7 A Photocopy? I'm sure in the time I've been there
8 someone has used the term.
9 Q And have you ever heard them use it in
10 referencing a particular device or machine within the
11 Recorder's office? By way of example, "can you
12 photocopy that for me?" That's an example of office
13 parlance.
14 A That particular terminology I've not witnessed.
15 Q What was the context that you've heard the term
16 "photocopy" used in the Recorder's office?
17 A I'm sure it's been used. I didn't say I
18 remembered a specific instance.
19 Q All right. But you have general understanding
20 that people have used the term "photocopy" within the
21 Recorder's office in terms of something that could be
22 done there; is that true?
23 A I'm sure it's been used. I don't remember a
24 specific instance or how it was used. I'm sure it's
25 been used.
39
1 Q And is it fair to say that it's been used in
2 terms of being able to copy one piece of paper onto
3 another piece of paper using a machine? No? Not
4 sure of that?
5 A I'm sure it's been used. I don't recall a
6 specific instance in which it was.
7 Q Do you have a secretary?
8 A No.
9 Q Does anybody there have a secretary?
10 A Yes.
11 Q Have you ever heard a secretary use the term
12 "photocopy"?
13 A No.
14 Q Have you ever -- do you have machines there
15 where I can put in a paper document, push a button or
16 two, and out will come copies of that paper document
17 also on paper? Do you have such a machine?
18 A Yes, sir.
19 Q What do you call that machine?
20 A Xerox.

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Aleem Ahmed
"The best landings are the ones you cannot walk away from" - David Windestål
Long Live 1/300!
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  #5  
Old 08-02-2018, 12:49 PM
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Vinalssergio155 Vinalssergio155 is offline
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Better still building Aleem planes, your jokes, well, the title says it all ......
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  #6  
Old 08-02-2018, 12:49 PM
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Robotaleem Robotaleem is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vinalssergio155 View Post
Better still building Aleem planes, your jokes, well, the title says it all ......
You're not wrong
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Aleem Ahmed
"The best landings are the ones you cannot walk away from" - David Windestål
Long Live 1/300!
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  #7  
Old 08-02-2018, 02:00 PM
JohnGay JohnGay is offline
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Little Johnny was sitting on the curb one day with a bottle of turpentine.
The Priest walked by and asked Little Johnny what he had in the bottle.
Little Johnny said "This is the most powerful liquid in the entire world!"
The Priest replied "No Johnny, Holy Water is the most power liquid in the world. Just place one drop of Holy Water on a pregnant woman's belly, and she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny said "That's nothing, Father. Just place one drop of this on a cats butt, and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
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  #8  
Old 08-02-2018, 02:04 PM
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Robotaleem Robotaleem is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnGay View Post
Little Johnny was sitting on the curb one day with a bottle of turpentine.
The Priest walked by and asked Little Johnny what he had in the bottle.
Little Johnny said "This is the most powerful liquid in the entire world!"
The Priest replied "No Johnny, Holy Water is the most power liquid in the world. Just place one drop of Holy Water on a pregnant woman's belly, and she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny said "That's nothing, Father. Just place one drop of this on a cats butt, and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
i mean...
i guess...
I guess you're not wrong
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Aleem Ahmed
"The best landings are the ones you cannot walk away from" - David Windestål
Long Live 1/300!
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Old 08-02-2018, 04:48 PM
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Rata Rata is offline
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'Bad joke' is always subjective. Keep 'em coming Aleem! And you just convinced me I could never work in any legal job.
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''Oh, stop whining! Can't you just print off another one?''- my wife ca 2018
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  #10  
Old 08-02-2018, 04:56 PM
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Robotaleem Robotaleem is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rata View Post
'Bad joke' is always subjective. Keep 'em coming Aleem! And you just convinced me I could never work in any legal job.
lol honestly
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