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Old 03-24-2010, 07:18 AM
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peter taft peter taft is offline
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Talking Love Making Tips For Seniors

Love MakingTips For Seniors

1. Wear your glasses.
To make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes,
In case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting.
(Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..

8. Make all the noise you want...
the neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . .. . . . .
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police

'OLD' IS WHEN..
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot...

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

AND

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are not sure if these are facts or jokes?
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  #2  
Old 03-24-2010, 08:54 AM
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airdave airdave is offline
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Love MakingTips For Seniors

1. Wear your glasses.
To make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
If you can't tell that someone is in bed with you, you need more than just Glasses!

2. Set timer for 3 minutes,
In case you doze off in the middle.
3 minutes?!! why, you gonna do it three times?

3. Set the mood with lighting.
(Turn them ALL OFF!)
Turning them off is no problem...its getting her TURNED ON that is the issue!

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
Its probably better to call ahead and just let them listen in!

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
Actually, I usually label a lot of other body parts too.

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
I tried Krazy Glue...but my face was stuck to her inner thigh for a week.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..
Tylenol? how does that work? I know how to wear a Condom?

8. Make all the noise you want...
the neighbors are deaf too.
yes...but they're not all blind...close the damn curtains!

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!
trust me...they will already know!
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Old 03-24-2010, 09:37 AM
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peter taft peter taft is offline
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Dave....LMAO with those :D
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Old 03-24-2010, 03:03 PM
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GaryPilsworth GaryPilsworth is offline
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ROTFLMAO
Just had to email this to the monster in law !!!!
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Old 03-24-2010, 03:12 PM
2Kamser 2Kamser is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GaryPilsworth View Post
ROTFLMAO
Just had to email this to the monster in law !!!!
why? is she old? :D
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Old 03-24-2010, 04:15 PM
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Kaz Kaz is offline
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Good sound advice there.

Thanks :o
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Old 12-07-2019, 06:24 PM
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mbauer mbauer is offline
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Ok, been browsing the jokes today:

Have to add this one.

A couple in their 90's was sitting in a restaurant eating their meal. The wife looks across the street and says, "You know it was 65-years ago to the day, today, that we met over at that bar".

The husband replies, "Yep, you're right. Remember how fast, after our eyes met, that we went out back and made love for the first time while you held onto to that fence?"

His nonagenarian mate replied, "Why don't we head over there after our meal and relive those moments?"

A quick reply, "Yes, lets just do it!"

Well sitting in the booth next to them was an off-duty police officer. The officer was like, oh no, this can't be happening, guess I'll have to make an arrest, if they follow through with this.

He followed them over.

Sure enough they started making love, the wife grabbed the fence just like the old days, and the ground started shaking, the gravel was jumping and rolling around. The officer couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Lying on the ground near total exhaustion, the couple quickly dressed.

The officer was amazed and asked, "After 65-years how do you keep that kind of passion going?"

The old boy looks up and says, "65-years ago, that fence wasn't electric!"

Mike
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  #8  
Old 12-09-2019, 10:00 PM
Rangerdog Rangerdog is offline
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This is about paper modeling - how?

Good job on crapping on Seniors. Enjoy it kids, MAYBE you'll be there someday....
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Old 12-09-2019, 10:07 PM
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rickstef rickstef is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rangerdog View Post
This is about paper modeling - how?

Good job on crapping on Seniors. Enjoy it kids, MAYBE you'll be there someday....
1. This is in the Comedy Stand, so it is appropriate
2. most of the respondents are retirees
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Old 12-10-2019, 06:20 AM
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Diderick A. den Bakker Diderick A. den Bakker is offline
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I find it extremely tasteless, and totally out of place. No excuse.
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