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#1
09-03-2010, 06:17 AM
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Irish Letter
Letter from an Irish Mother to her Son....
Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well. You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Irish family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine.. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the cemetery. Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an uncle. Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a short while and they've already made him a court martial! Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire. I'm sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling. I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened. Your loving Mum P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope. 
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#2
09-03-2010, 06:29 AM
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thats an old joke Peter we used to tell that and it be Kerry mum,
English man mid thirties looks as his wife goes about the room and as he is saying his prayers he says. "Dear Jesus I love my wife but I would love to have an easy life as she does for just 24 hours" S...o he goes to sleep and next morning arrives and he finds that he is now his lovely Wife Cathy. So up he gets as Cathy makes breakfast for the real cathy. So next get up the two children George and Alex. she gets them ready for school drives them and returns to the house where does all the housework. then just as about to get a sit down for a second the alarm clock goes off and its time to collect young alex and george from school so rushes off collects them and then starts dinner. So returns the real cathy from work sits down turns on the tv and then has dinner. So tired English man ie the new cathy goes in and says i am so tired I need to have some sleep so off to bed. next thing just as Cathy is relaxed in comes ca...tchy the real one and they end up making the best love of their lives. Next morning English man looks in the mirror. his angered his still a woman he gets on his knees and says. "Jesus I asked for 24 hours please turn me back into the real me?" Jesus answers. "I Can't for nine months now. English man asks "Why oh why not? Jesus replies "Because last night you got pregnant. 
Last edited by doctormax; 09-03-2010 at 06:42 AM.
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#3
09-03-2010, 06:38 PM
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Now that is funny :D
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#4
09-04-2010, 01:27 AM
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Quote:
The owner takes over and he sits in the office one morning does up an add for the local paper. "wanted batsman with talent for team pay depending on experience and numer of games played." next morning the owner is in the office and theres a knock on the door. tap tap tap. He looks at the door and says "Come in" nothing happens and four minutes later, tap tap on the door. he looks again at the door and shouts "Come in" Nothing happens, then two minutes later. tap tap tap tap. He gets annoyed now and stands up rushes to the door to catch the mystery knocker. He swings open the door and is just about to shout at the younster who he reckons is knocking and finds a Horse standing their all kitted out in pads. His jaw hits the floor. Your a horse horse replies. "good start then you know what I am, I am here for the job as batsman" But your a horse. I know I'm a horse, but i have watched cricket from my stable for years and feel I can play as good as Botham" the owner is a bit tired now anyway so says ok we give you a trial. Out they go onto the practice ground. the owner then tells the bowler fire a few hard ones at the horse to get rid of him will you. so bowler fires four of his best throws at the horse who hits everyone of them out of sight. Owner is stunned never seen anything like it everyone of the balls lands in a boat on the river over four hundred meters away. he rushes back to the office grabs a contract form and rushes out and gets the horse to sign up. So the season continues and they win every game with the horse now on the all time record runs list for the cricket league. They get to lords for the final and horse is last up final balls to be played and they are behind by 13 runs it looks like the club are about to make history and become champions for the first time. Horse gets up crowd roars as the horse hits the first ball clear out of lords. second ball he hits it again and it flys right out of lords again two more runs and they have it. horse hits the ball and it doesn't leave the ground and his standing there not running. the owner shouts. "for heavens sake run." horse replies. "If I could run I be in the 3.20 at Royal Ascot." 
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#5
09-04-2010, 06:47 AM
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Rotflmfao :d
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#6
09-05-2010, 05:47 PM
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Quote:
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#7
09-07-2010, 04:03 AM
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About that doctor with the small tube? Can you give me his address? I might need to buy that thing also.:D
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