[sreinmann]

Death was strolling along the hospital ward and from the bed of one of the patients he heard a plea for his attention. He approached a middle aged woman in the midst of treatment for her severe illness and indicated that he was there to listen. "Death, I feel so terrible, I must not have long now. Are you here for me?"

Death took his book from his deep robes held it aloft and with a boney finger examined his lists. After a few moments, he slipped the book back into his robes and shook his head. "You will not be visited by me for 30 years."

The woman was amazed and relieved. With renewed vigor and positive outlook, from that day onward she made a miraculous recovery. Vowing to make good use of her extended time, she immediately acted to live more fully and healthfully. She cut out the drugs and alcohol that had consumed her. She learned to cook healthy and various foods. She lost weight and grew strong. To celebrate, she got liposuction, a face lift, a boob job and a makeover.

A year after her recovery as she stepped out of the nail salon one afternoon, she was struck down by a bus.

Floating ethereally over her mangled body she stared down in disbelief hardly noticing Death as he strode up to her. When he touched her shoulder, she started and immediately turned on him, "WHAT THE F- Death!? You told me I had 30 years!!"
"Oh DAMN!" He exclaimed jumping back. "I didn't recognize you!"