" ART " ...I don't get it?

[goodduck]

As a artist professionally trained by Art Center and then being a professional artist 20+ yrs. I can say with confidence that "blue Star" is good as used ass wipe. I see too many "artists" like that when in art school, both teachers and students. They make me LOL, but I did learned how to bull carp about my worst craps to make them all rosy, tho.

Thing about "Art" is half them time is not what the actual art work is but how good one can bull crap about his/her/ works. Some artsy people want so badly that other to think they are "deep" so they buy into any and all bull carp that sell to them. Idea here is if you don't get it, you not "deep", your not artsy, lacking intelligence, and what not. And there are signature collectors buying stuff just because some big time artists singed that whatever piece of used ass wipe, never mind it is a piece of used ass wipe. Well, more power to them!

[airdave]

I remember a few years back, the Art Gallery of Ontario (in Toronto)
came under flack for purchasing a piece of "art".

A female artist, sorry forget her name, created this"Meat Dress".

A life size dress on a mannequin made from layers of fresh Meat.
They paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for this thing.

It then went straight into a freezer because it can't be put on public display...it'll go bad.


Maybe its not so much the "art"?
as it is the "art appreciation" people?


One of my favorite comic writers is Dave Barry.
Trust me, if you have never read one of Dave's editorials, you are missing out.

Back in 2004 I read a column (still have it today) written by Barry titled:
"I almost had an art attack when I saw the Chair "
and I used to share it on my Art Editorial page.
Its one of the best takes on "modern" art I have ever read.

Its been renamed "The Idiot's Guide to Art" but its still the same article.



The Idiot's Guide to Art

BY DAVE BARRY

(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Jan. 18, 2004.)
Whenever I write about art, I get mail from the Serious Art Community informing me that I am a clueless idiot.
So let me begin by stipulating that I am a clueless idiot.
This is probably why I was unable to appreciate a work of art I viewed recently, titled: Chair.'
I saw Chair at Art Basel, a big art show held recently on Miami Beach.
It attracted thousands of Serious Art People,
who wear mostly black outfits and can maintain serious expressions no matter what work of art they are viewing.
This is hard, because a lot of Serious Art consists of bizarre or startlingly unattractive objects, or "performances,''
wherein artists do something Conceptual, such as squirt Cheez Whiz into an orifice that has not been approved by the Food and Drug Administration for snack toppings.
But no matter what the art is, a Serious Art Person will view it with the somber expression of a radiologist examining X-rays of a tumor.
Whereas an amateur will eventually give himself away by laughing,
or saying "Huh?''

or (this is the most embarrassing) asking an art-gallery person: "Is this wastebasket a piece of art? Or can I put my gum wrapper in it?''

But back to Art Basel: I didn't go to the main show.
I went to an officially sanctioned satellite show called "Art Positions,''
which was a group of large, walk-in shipping containers set up on the beach, serving as mini art galleries.
Serious Art People drifted blackly from container to container, solemnly examining the tumors.

I managed not to say anything stupid until I encountered a slide projector sitting on the floor, projecting a rectangle of white light with twitching lens dust onto the wall.
I asked the gallery person if there was supposed to be a slide in the projector,
he patiently explained that "no, this was a work of art titled "Autofocus Slide Projector Dust.''

In another container there was a work of art consisting of a video,
repeated over and over, showing a man...not in peak physical condition, I might add,
rollerblading around a vast empty space, stark naked.
I'm proud to say I betrayed no emotion while viewing this work,
although my daughter, who is 3, said, quite loudly: "You can see his tushy! Yuck!''
She is young, and has no art training.

Anyway, in the corner of one container there was a ratty old collapsed armchair...
worn, dirty, leaking stuffing, possibly housing active vermin colonies.
I asked the gallery person if the chair was art, and she said yes, it was a work titled "Chair.''
I asked her what role the artist had played in creating "Chair.''
She said: "He found it.''

"Chair'' is for sale. The price is $2,800.
Really. I looked it up
"Chair'' on a Serious Art Internet site, artcritical.com, which said: "The chair offers not a weedy patina of desuetude
but an apotheosis of its former occupant.''
See, I missed that altogether, about the desuetude and the apotheosis.
I thought it was just a crappy old junk chair some guy took off a trash pile and was now trying to sell for 2,800 clams.

I was also baffled by an artwork called "Moonwalk,'' presented by a Paris art gallery.
You walked into the gallery/container, and it was empty, just blank white walls.
Around the ceiling were a half-dozen speakers making a high-pitched sonar sound, like this: "boop.''
That was the art: "boop.''
Sitting outside on a folding chair was a gallery person, smoking Marlboros.
I wondered what it would be like to fly all the way from Paris to Miami,
only to spend four days sitting outside an empty shipping container going "boop.''
I would go insane. I would have an apotheosis of freaking desuetude.

In another container, there was a work that consisted of a hole drilled in the floor, and some weeds stuck in it.
I believe the price on that was $6,000.
While I was examining it, I heard one Serious Art Person say to another (I swear): "Wouldn't that be wonderful in the foyer?''

I want to state, for the record, that there was also some very nice-looking art on display.
And I want to repeat that I am a clueless idiot.
So you Serious Art People don't need to write letters reminding me. I agree that you know MUCH more about art than I do, OK?

So YOU buy the chair.



(c) 2009, Dave Barry
This column is protected by intellectual property laws, including U.S. copyright laws. Electronic or print reproduction, adaptation, or distribution without permission is prohibited.
Ordinary links to this column at http://www.miamiherald.com may be posted or distributed without written permission.


Read more: `The Idiot's Guide to Art' - Dave Barry - MiamiHerald.com

[note from me...I think its okay to reprint the article in this manner, thats why I included all the legal stuff and proper source info.
Don't print it out or share it in any other way, please.]

[Ron0909]

I don't get it either...I was dragged through the Louvre and art museums of Europe when I was a kid and didn't appreciate a thing. Now, when I see that kind of abstract garbage I still laugh like that kid I was back then They say life imitates art and vice versa...what are those abstract paintings imitating? Perhaps the fecal matter tossed by angry apes at the local zoo? and someone from the ignorant unwashed masses exclaiming "look...I think they like us!!!

[jaffro]

Thanks for that article Dave, that was a great read. I have to agree with your "stupid" comment as well. I have seen a lot of this "Modern Art" type stuff and have to say some of it although simple, does look good in certain places. I can not, however, understand the insane prices people will pay for the stuff, that 78 million dollar one being a prime example.

I'd like to say more but I have to get down to the local dump and see if I can find a chair...

[Ashrunner]

Ahhh...yes...Blue Star. Interesting...

You know how they say if you step back you get a much larger perspective and the artwork seems to speak to you?

Well, I did that and it did speak to me.

It disappeared.

[Gixergs]

the art in "Modern Art" is to be as pretentious as possible and sell it to a rich person before they inevitably suffocate because of where their head is up.

[Nemesis7485]

This all reminds me of a news item I once saw. They hung an abstract painting by a supposed newly discovered master artist in a gallery (may have been the Tate but I can't remember) and then called in a load of "experts" to critique it. They came up with all the usual waffle about it obviously being painted by a pure genious with great insights into the meaning of life, etc, etc and the huge sums of money they thought it would fetch.

You should have seen their faces when they were told the artist was.............

An Elephant!

[peter taft]

I think some of the so called artists must have done a few white lines too many, then picked up the Paint Brush - whoops, too late The people who buy them get them all from the same Artwork supplier "I saw you coming dot com"

Stop press..... I just had the best clear out today, i must have eaten too much fibre, use far too much toilet tissue - but it's for sale, lol

[Gixergs]

they have done that a lot,in fact at one point in the UK it was almost a sport.One father sent a picture by his 4 year old daughter in with a suitably pretentious title to the Royal Academy another was a painting done by a chimp that was praised by the best "art critics" but nothing equals the absurdity of the "real works of art" exhibited such as the lovely Tracey Emin's Soiled Bed and the series of great works by Damien Hirst "Dead things in fish tanks that have been cut in half" and of course the winning entry of some years ago of the Turner Prize A white Room with one light bulb in it that turns itself on and off, who knows how honoured the painter of The Fighting Temeraire would be to have the prize with his name given to such a great work.

[airdave]

DaVinci, Rembrandt and all the Python Gang would be sick to see what has become "art".

Where's Jimmy when you need 'im? Jim'll fix it!