Aviation Humor

[-Jim G]

Originally Posted by looker

Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Do Qantas liners really have IFF and targeting radar? They must not fly in 'the friendly skies'.

[nebeltex]

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.

agreed. when the transmission light starts to flash on the dashboard of your 412 just after going "feet wet", that's the feeling. it did seem rather repelling at the time....

but really, i think the helicopter needs to be re-invented. the vertical ejection seats only work if you put the rotors on the bottom. drawbacks to this include a tall entry into the crew compartment of everything and everybody before engaging the rotors, and you have to pull the wheel chocks out REALLY fast.... ;P

[Texman]

ROFL! Love the "pulling chocks" CB!

[GreMir]

Originally Posted by nebeltex

...i think the helicopter needs to be re-invented. the vertical ejection seats only work if you put the rotors on the bottom. drawbacks to this include a tall entry into the crew compartment of everything and everybody before engaging the rotors, and you have to pull the wheel chocks out REALLY fast.... ;P

Not if you eject downwards :D

[archangel1]

Originally Posted by nebeltex

i would laugh, but i'm too busy perfecting my vertical ejection seat for helicopters... and there is nothing repelling about them, unless they are upside down in the water

Sorry, you're a bit late. The Kamov Ka-50 'Hokum A' and Ka-52 'Hokum B' both already have ejection seats fitted, with two contra-rotating rotors overhead. Explosive bolts are supposed to remove them in case of ejection. Don't know whether the system has been used in actual field conditions, though. Gives new emphasis to the phrase 'Duck!', doesn't it!

Cheers,
Mike :D

[Don Boose]

Many years ago, I was standing around the coffee pot in a Pentagon office with a group that included "Skip," an Air Force fighter pilot, and "Bob," a Navy attack pilot.

Skip had spent two years as an exchange officer with the Navy. He said that, after all that time doing carrier landings in an F-4, the first landing he made at Clark AFB in the Philippines after returning to the Air Force, he thought he had landed very smoothly, but as he taxied in, the tower called him and said, "Sir, you're going to have to report a hard landing."

I asked Bob what they called a "hard landing" in the Navy.

"When you have to swim to the boat."

Don

[FkwppfN]

[Sakrison]

I was shooting night landings with my instructor. I asked him what he would do if he lost power during a single-engine night flight.

"Look for a spot that you think would be a safe place to land. Set up a normal glide slope. About 50 feet off the ground, turn on your landing light. If you don't like what you see, turn your landing light off."

[Don Boose]

All good stuff.

Don

[Erik J]

Basic Flying Rules:

1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space.
4. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.