Bad Jokes, Folks - Page 26

**Erik J** · #**251** 07-19-2022, 09:02 AM

My English girlfriend calls it a "Lift", and I call it an "Elevator". Guess we were raised differently.

**sprogs** · #**252** 09-05-2022, 12:06 PM

I've just found a huge snake in my back garden. I measured it to see if I could find out what it is.
It came to 3.14159 metres.
I think it's a Pi-thon.

**Miles Linnabery** · #**253** 09-05-2022, 05:42 PM

Dearest Sprogs:
Boo Hisssss.
Enjoyed,
Miles

**sprogs** · #**254** 09-09-2022, 12:24 PM

I was chatting to my good friend Ross earlier today.
"How's it going" I asked.
"Pretty good," he said. "I got a letter yesterday out of the blue from Citroen asking me to come down for an interview as they were keen to give me a job.
"Sounds good", I said. "How did it go?"
"Well," he said, "It was all a bit strange. They asked me to bring two CV's"

**sprogs** · #**255** 09-09-2022, 12:26 PM

I've just heard we're going to have a MAN as Queen !
This Woke nonsense has gone too far !"

**juan angel 747** · #**256** 09-09-2022, 05:43 PM

Do you know why the queen did not go to heaven?
because god would not stand an argument between lady Di and elizabeth II

**SteveB** · #**257** 09-10-2022, 02:09 AM

There's a difference between a bad joke and bad taste.

**Erik J** · #**258** 09-11-2022, 09:58 AM

My new watch was so expensive I had to finance it. I'm living on borrowed time.

**asettico** · #**259** 10-10-2022, 11:11 AM

Code:

(1)    A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane.
(2)    An inclined plane is a slope up.
(3)    A slow pup is a lazy dog.

QED: A sheet of paper is a lazy dog.
          -- Willard Espy, "An Almanac of Words at Play"

**JoeTraveller** · #**260** 10-12-2022, 10:35 PM

Two shoelaces walked into a bar. They went to a table in a corner, sat down, and began talking.
After some time, one shoelace stood and said, "I'm going to get a beer."
It walked up to the bar and ordered a beer.
"We don't serve shoelaces in here," the bartender said.
Disappointed, the shoelace went back to the table and sat back down.
"Where's your beer?" the other shoelace asked.
"The bartender said they don't serve shoelaces here," the shoelace replied.
The other shoelace merely nodded, and then they resumed their conversation.
After some time, the other shoelace said, "I'm going to get a beer."
"The bartender won't serve you," the shoelace stated.
The other shoelace thought about this a few moments, and then slowly nodded.
It quickly tied itself into a perfect bow for securing a shoe, then took a pair of scissors and made several snips at each of its loose ends. Having done this, it walked up to the bar and ordered a beer.
The bartender took pint glass and pulled a long draft into it, with the precisely correct head. He set the pint on the bar a slid to to the shoelace, but paused before taking his hand off the glass.
"Wait a minute," the bartender said slowly. "Aren't you a shoelace."
"No," the shoelace replied. "I'm a frayed knot."