Bad Jokes, Folks

[sprogs]

This posted twice ! How do I delete it ?

[Erik J]

I noticed a bunch of flyers scattered on the sidewalk that said, "Lost: staple gun."

[sprogs]

I'm quite old, but there have been some wonderful moments in my life. Once, I met Albert Einstein. He was a lovely man, but his brother Frank was an absolute monster.

[MacSongLi]

Originally Posted by sprogs

I'm quite old, but there have been some wonderful moments in my life. Once, I met Albert Einstein. He was a lovely man, but his brother Frank was an absolute monster.

That's a real knee slapper. I love it.

[sprogs]

I was chatting with my younger brother last night. He's trying to get into crafting and creativity.
"Have you any projects in mind ?" I asked.
"Well", he said. "I'm thinking of making a belt entirely out of watches".
"It's an interesting idea" I said, "But personally I think it will be a waist of time."

[sprogs]

I'm not much of a traveler. I prefer to sleep in my own bed, but recently I took a little trip abroad to see what the world outside was like. Unfortunately I have no experience of airports and the various delays that can frustrate us so when my baggage didn't arrive within a reasonable (to me) time got a little annoyed and eventually lost my temper with the baggage handler and called him some rather unpleasant names.
To cut a long story short, I was arrested and now have to appear in court some time soon but I don't know when.
I'm still waiting for my case to come up.

[MacSongLi]

These are funny too!

Thanks for sharing.
Gary

[Jim Nunn]

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shinny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful women who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

"That's nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!

"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still in the ditch with my Harley, I guess."

[sprogs]

My boyfriends dog died last week. He was absolutely devastated. He was inconsolable so I thought "I'll get him another one just like it !"
I took it round to him and surprised him with it.
He went ballistic !
"Bl£$dy H&*l Liz, what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs ?"

[FRD]

That's pretty funny!