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  #191  
Old 04-06-2021, 12:53 PM
JohnGay JohnGay is offline
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Did you hear about the guy who was able to fend off a grizzly bear attack with only a 22 rifle?


His hiking buddy didn't fair so well.
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  #192  
Old 04-16-2021, 10:41 AM
sprogs sprogs is offline
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Olaf the Viking is shopping at a supermarket when he comes across an old lady in a wheelchair, almost in tears.
"What's the matter?" asks Olaf.
"Oh," sobs the old lady. "I want to have a look at the frozen puddings but, as you can see, there are three steps down into the chiller cabinets."
"No problem," says Olaf, lifting her onto his back. "I'll take you."
Olaf lifts her up and strolls through the chiller cabinets with the old lady on his back. She selects several puddings and puts them in the basket he is carrying for her.
As they come out of the chiller section the old lady's husband is waiting by her wheelchair.
"I would really like to thank you," says the old lady as Olaf sets her back down in the chair, "but I don't even know who you are!"
Olaf just waves and walks off.
"I was really worried about you," says the old lady's husband. "What have you been doing?"
She replies,

"Well, I've been through the desserts on a Norse with no name."
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  #193  
Old 04-16-2021, 10:42 AM
sprogs sprogs is offline
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A man was rushed to hospital yesterday with severe abdominal pains. Surgeons recovered 30 plastic toy horses from his rectum.


His condition is described as stable.
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  #194  
Old 05-16-2021, 10:12 PM
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juan angel 747 juan angel 747 is offline
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a doubt i can upload memes about papercraft?
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by: pete michels "maverick"
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  #195  
Old 05-19-2021, 11:01 AM
sprogs sprogs is offline
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" I didn't know you had a twin." Said Bob.
" I don't." Jack replied.
" Who is that chap over there that looks just like you then?"
" I have no idea who they are, but if I go towards them they turn blue, but if I'm going away they turn red."
"Ahhh!", said Bob. "They must be your dopplergänger!"
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  #196  
Old 07-02-2021, 10:35 AM
sprogs sprogs is offline
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A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed 'Mum' and with the worst premonition she read it with trembling hands.

Dear Mum.

I'm very sad that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight cycling clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion Mum, 'cos she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She really deserves it!! Don't worry Mum now I'm 15, I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know all your grandchildren.

Your loving son, Nicholas.

P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my school report that's on your desk"
Call when it is safe for me to come home!!! xxx
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  #197  
Old 07-08-2021, 09:46 AM
sprogs sprogs is offline
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I asked the librarian if she had the book about Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat.


She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
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  #198  
Old 07-08-2021, 09:48 AM
sprogs sprogs is offline
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Aibohphobia - Fear of palindromes.
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  #199  
Old 07-08-2021, 10:03 AM
sprogs sprogs is offline
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A friend of mine was a farmer and he got caught in his underpants dancing around in the barn. He was asked what on earth he was doing, and he reluctantly mentioned he'd got problems asking a girl to go out with him and had asked for advice.

He was told that that if he wanted to win her love he should "Do something sexy to a tractor".
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  #200  
Old 07-09-2021, 12:14 AM
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Jim Nunn Jim Nunn is offline
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Sprogs, please remember that you are only allowed 3 groans per day otherwise you will create Pundemonium in the forum.
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There is a very fine line between paper modeling and mental illness.
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