Bad Jokes, Folks

[sprogs]

I just got back from Asda, I'd seen some bloke buying 5 crates of San Miguel, 4 Paellas and 3 litres of Tequila.
I thought to myself , "Hispanic buying!"

[romanmodels]

nice one Sprogs.

[Marco]

Today I rewrote history.

[sprogs]

Last night I really fancied a pint or two and a game of darts with my mates.
So, off I went down to the "Dog and ferret", my local.
When I got there I was dismayed to see a shabby old gent with threadbare clothes dangling a homemade fishing rod and line, made from a piece of garden cane and some old twine, into a puddle by the roadside.
I felt sorry for him and when I bought myself a pint I bought one for him as well.
I took it outside and gave it to him. "Cheers ", I said.
I thought a bit of banter might cheer him up so "How many have you caught today " I asked.
"You're the sixth " he slurred.

[Miles Linnabery]

Dear Sprogs:
You do come up with the really good bad jokes, I want to know what the pub sign for the Dog and Ferret looks like
Thank you for contributing
Miles

[juan angel 747]

If you feel like you have a lot of problems, just remember that the F-35 has more than 800 problems according to pentagon analysis

[sprogs]

Dear Miles.
Thank you for your supportive comment.
Most of the jokes I tell and post are reworkings of much, much shorter ones I have found.
I love to spin out one liners into short stories, in fact I feel that any joke less than 5 minutes long counts as, how can I put this delicately ?
"Premature joculation "
If I can get up to 15 minutes without losing the listener's interest I feel my time on earth has not been in vain.
Cheers,
Liz.

[Philip]

Nice one, Liz!

[sprogs]

After a long and fruitful life serving his tribe, the old Chief passed away peacefully.
His last wish was that he would be succeeded by his only son, so the warriors went out into the world and tracked him down in the big city.
They told him he was now Chief and brought him back to his tribe to be instated.
It was late in the year and the weather was turning so they asked him what he thought the winter would be like.
He had been brought up in the city and had no idea, but, thinking on his feet said "It could be cold, so collect firewood".
That night, as he was dozing off, he thought "I'd better check with the weather bureau". He rang them, asked how cold the winter would be and they said "Very cold", so next day he told his tribe "Collect more firewood ".
Again, that night he worried and called the weather bureau again to ask about the winter ahead.
"Very, very cold " they said.
The next morning he confronted his tribe and said "This winter will be very, very cold,. Collect more firewood ".
Once again he could not sleep for worry, so he called the met office again, "How cold" he asked. "Very, very, very cold " they said.
"How can you be so sure?" he asked.
"Well" they said, the Indians are collecting firewood like no-ones business".

[juan angel 747]

You know why my ex girlfriend comes back to me crawling

because I stole her wheelchair