Bad Jokes, Folks

[dennis]

Originally Posted by Erik J

Wife's Diary:

My husband and I had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner tonight, but he is acting strange.

I had gone shopping all day with my friends, so I thought he was upset because I was a bit late, but he didn't comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested we go somewhere quiet to talk. He agreed, but didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong;

He said, "Nothing."

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.

I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you", too.

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, and that he no longer wanted me.

He just sat quietly watching TV, and seemed distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed, but I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm sure his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.

------------------------------------------------

Husband's Diary:

Lost my new paper modelling scissors. No idea where to look for them.

excellent!

[dennis]

Originally Posted by sprogs

I caught my son chewing on electrical cables

So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.

This is shocking. Even after a year in Biloxi learning electronics.

[dennis]

Well people, and any other type of creature posting to this forum. I've spent the last 16+ hours reading entries found here. 16+ hours I have no possible way of retrieving, lost to me, never to be used again in more beneficial ways of serving my community...

But hot dame it was fun!

[Erik J]

My favorite restaurant is called "Peace And Quiet." Kids meals are only $150.

[murphyaa]

Originally Posted by Erik J

My favorite restaurant is called "Peace And Quiet." Kids meals are only $150.

I've been to that restaurant. I like that they only serve vegetables and liver on the kids menu.

[sprogs]

A few weeks ago sprogs minor (little brother) told me it was pride month soon and I should get involved and support it.
I suppose I should have at least done a little bit of research first.

Anyway, know anyone who needs twelve lions ?

[Philip]

Hee - hee - hee!

[Erik J]

My computer buddy offered me a free Apple computer, but I remembered the warning: 'Beware of geeks bearing gifts'.

[sprogs]

I was just sent this. I claim no ownership.
The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left alone.

1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis, god got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.

2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lot 's wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like delilah.

6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.

7. Moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients .

8. The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, moses went up to mount cyanide to get the 10 commandments.

9. The first commandments was when eve told adam to eat the apple.

10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached canada then joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol.

12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When mary heard she was the mother of jesus, she sang the magna carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found jesus in the manager.

17 jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19 jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miricle when jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.

23. One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

[sprogs]

Foar the last few weeks I've not been feeling too good. I tried to boost my health by doing a little bit of jogging and to help with this I bought myself a new pair of trainers.
Normally I wouldn't spend much on that kind of thing, but this time, with it being for my health I splashed out on some really special ones.
Things didn't improve though, so I booked an appointment with my GP.
On the day, I thought in the interests of keeping up my new excercise regime, I put on my new trainers and jogged down to the surgery.
That night I was chatting with my brother Steve, and he asked me how things had gone with the Docter.

"All in all", I said, "Pretty inconclusive, though he was well ompressed with my trainers."
"Really, "said Steve, "How could you tell ?"
"Well, on the way out he said "Miss Sparrow, I think you have some serious healthy shoes !"