How to be 'Politically Correct'

[dansls1]

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America;

Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.'

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS .

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5 She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER.'


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is ' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION'

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE

[FredZ KSAC]

I see a Lighitning Bolt coming!!!!
Later,
Fred Z.

[dansls1]

Originally Posted by FredZ KSAC

I see a Lighitning Bolt coming!!!!
Later,
Fred Z.

At me?

Unfortunately I didn't write this - just copied it

[Gil]

Lightening bolts do not discriminate on semantics.....,

+Gil

[CharlieC]

Originally Posted by dansls1

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION'

Political correctness only seems to work in Australia amongst politicians and their toadies (the rest of us are too busy giving each other a hard time). There is one which I like though:

x. Someone with an inflated opinion of themselves - has a case of RECTO-CRANIAL INSERTION.

Oz is just about the world's lightning capital.

Regards,

Charlie

[Sakrison]

When I worked as an ambulance crew chief years and years and years ago, on one particularly bad night at the Saturday Night Knife & Gun Club, I heard an ER doc refer to a dead person as "metabolically challenged."

I'm not sure where this quote comes from, but it seems to sum up the topic pretty well:

"Political Correctness is a doctrine--fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority,
and rabidly promoted by misguided educators and an unscrupulous mainstream media--which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible
to pick up a turd by its clean end."

No worries,
--David

[dansls1]

Originally Posted by Sakrison

When I worked as an ambulance crew chief years and years and years ago, on one particularly bad night at the Saturday Night Knife & Gun Club, I heard an ER doc refer to a dead person as "metabolically challenged."...
No worries,
--David

My boss lost his ring finger in an industrial accident before I met him. I often say he's "keyboard challenged".

[John Bowden]

David...........

Got the quote hangin on my cubical wall.............. I often have to explain it to the mentally challenged, rectal-cranial inversion, light-haired detour off the information superhighway, breasted and un-breasted, giant sacs of mostly water beings that I have to work with..................

[Sakrison]

Originally Posted by John Bowden

David...........

Got the quote hangin on my cubical wall.............. I often have to explain it to the mentally challenged, rectal-cranial inversion, light-haired detour off the information superhighway, breasted and un-breasted, giant sacs of mostly water beings that I have to work with..................

My daughter handed me what seems to be a most effective response to someone who assails me for political incorrectness. It also works on PETA types who rail at me for my leather flight jacket or my coyote-trimmed parka:

"You Earthlings really crack me up sometimes."

That tends to bring the diatribe to a enough of a halt for me to escape.
If the jerk persists, I follow up with:

"See what I mean? Back home, they don't believe half the stuff I tell them about your species."

Of course, with my daughter, I'm usually on the receiving end of this tactic.
No worries,
--David

[murphyaa]

Originally Posted by dansls1

My boss lost his ring finger in an industrial accident before I met him. I often say he's "keyboard challenged".

Reminds me of my tech support days when we logged some problems as "User interface error"

Or we'd say the problem lay somewhere between the keyboard and the chair.

Or just for special occasions we'd put in a special note for the next person handling the call: "Caller is terminally challenged." Meanin the caller was an idiot when it came to the machine.